Funny 30th Birthday Jokes

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new car for weeks.

He wanted a new truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything

she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said.

"I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less.

And my 30th birthday is coming up.

You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th.

Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend a 30th birthday present.

After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive.

A sales assistant came up and asked if there was something he could help her with.

"I wanted to buy my boyfriend a pet, but all of yours are so expensive" she says.

"Well," said the assistant, "I have a really big bullfrog in the back for $100.00.

Would you like to see it?"

"$100.00? For a frog?" said the woman.

The clerk said, "It’s a special frog. It’s gives blow jobs."

So, the woman decides to buy the frog.

She takes it home to her boyfriend, explains the frog and they’re both happy.

The woman goes to bed.

Around two in the morning she is awakened by pots and pans banging around in the kitchen.

She gets up to go see what’s going on and, when she gets to the kitchen,

she sees her boyfriend and the frog sitting at the kitchen table looking through cookbooks.

"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?" says the woman.

The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is out of here!"

-- 30th Birthday Jokes -- Funny 30th Birthday Jokes --

A blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a 30th birthday card.  

She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards, something unusual.

The clerk points her to a new card just in that day.

"Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry."

The blonde replied, "How cool! I'll take the whole box!"

-- Funny 30th Birthday Jokes --

Everything I know I learned after I was thirty.

- Georges Clemenceau

Time and Tide wait for no man,

but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

- Robert Frost

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head

together and your body starts falling apart.

- Caryn Leschen

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

- Bette Midler

A man thirty years old, I said to myself,

should have his field of life all ploughed,

and his planting well done;

for after that it is summer time.

- Lew Wallace

Thirty five is a very attractive age;

London society is full of

women who have of their own

free choice remained thirty-five for years.

- Oscar Wilde

Moses spent more than 30 years lost in the desert, what are you bitching about!?!?

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