There are numerous advantages in being fifty – just ask any eighty year old!!!

At fifty you’ve accumulated the knowledge and wisdom of half a century.

This would be a tremendous asset if only darned senility hadn’t wiped your memory bank.

The only way to relieve the frustration of being fifty-something is to constantly seek new ways of irritating the young.

Fortunately in old age, you develop the ability to do this naturally in every single thing you do or say.

Top 10 Signs You’re Over The Hill

1. When you sleep, people worry you’re dead.

2. Your back goes out more than you do.

3. Your best friend is dating someone half their age… and aren’t breaking any laws.

4. You wear black socks with sandals.

5. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

6. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

7. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

8. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

9. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.

10. You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday.

-- 50th Birthday Jokes and Poems --

Develop the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you need to remember.

Use your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your gardening and housework.

Avoid the company of young people they are a sad reminder of your long lost youth.

Keep a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of what you did yesterday.

Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.

Finding your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.

No one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when it’s dark.

Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.

Look twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call you ‘mummy’.

Save all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical science may develop a means of replanting them.

Borrow a pram – pushing it around looks better than clutching a zimmer.

Try to enjoy your fifties as much as is possible – after all the horrendous sixties are looming.

Remember – Don’t Drink and Zimmer.

-- 50th Birthday Jokes and Poems --

50 great years have gone past

and you're still standing strong.

I know some said it would always last

and others thought them wrong.

But here you stand today, a testament to true love,

one that has not faded away.

The love you share has risen above

what other people may say.

So, here's to 50 great years you shared with each other.

Now, lets go for another!

-- 50th Birthday Jokes and Poems --

Just because you're 50,

Don't despair, oh no

Overnight you won't discover

You've lost your get up and go.

Nor will you become all wrinkled,

Nor ache from head to toe.

So even though you're ripening

Don't regard it as a blow,

You won't suddenly look decrepid ....

.... Cos that happened long ago!!

For your fiftieth birthday let us sing!

In celebration let your loved ones dance!

Fair seedtime had our souls within your heart,

Taking joy from innocent romance.

You gave to us a gentle, loving spring.

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