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Monthly Jokes from Craziestjokes.com Issue #002 -- Nov 09
November 01, 2009
This is CraziestJokes second newsletter and we decided to target the subject as important as the never-ending gender war.
No matter how much we like to pretend we live in perfect harmony, there is no way around the fact that women are from Venus and men are from Mars.
JOKES ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN
After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely.
So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"
God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything.
She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"
Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?" God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."
Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done for the FBI job applicants, there were three finalists - two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We want to know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. If you want to get the job, you have to kill her.'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another.
Then there were screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, it was all quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to kill him with the chair.'
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife.
He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her.
If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness".
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed.
He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response.
He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply.
He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply.
He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
"Cash or card?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she was looking for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
But then the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5am. Wake up."
Woman's Perfect Breakfast
She is sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you"
Well, that's it for this month, hope you enjoyed it. Have a great month and until the next issue in December!
All the best ;-)
1. November 2009
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