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Monthly Jokes from CraziestJokes.com Issue #001 -- Oct 09
October 01, 2009
You probably didn't know this when you signed up for the monthly jokes from CraziestJokes..
CraziestJokes.com is so new a website that this is the FIRST issue of our Newsletter - Congrats for being in the first lot of our subscribers and being with us from the start!
You will recieve our monthly jokes newsletter during the first week of every month of the year.
Each issue will be themed, and timed when possible, e. g. in December you'll recieve Christmas jokes, in February you'll get Valentine jokes and before the 1. April you'll have some April Fools in your inbox, ready to be used on the right day..
October being a month with none of those special occasions, our first ezine is about workplace jokes.
Here you go, enjoy, and have a good day ;-)
What to Say to Your Boss if you Fall Asleep at Your Desk
"I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
"Darn, you interrupted me! I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm, Amen."
Template for an answer to rejection letters.
Dear ... (name of the person who signed the rejection letter), Thank you for your letter of ... (date of the rejection letter). After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite ... (name of the company that sent you this letter)'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate employment with your company immediately. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants. Sincerely, ... (your name)
A young businessman had just started his own company. He rented a big office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
Felix was in a terrible accident at work. Oddly, however, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated. Because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the insurance company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Felix decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. After signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Felix asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears.” Felix got very angry and threw him out. The second interviewee was even better than the first. He asked the same question and he replied: "Well, you have no ears." Felix again was upset and tossed him out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was extremely smart and seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Felix was anxious but went ahead and asked the same question.
To his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes, you wear contact lenses."
Felix was shocked. "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?" asked Felix. The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"
An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning.
Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.
Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest and both employees stayed after closing.
Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."
Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."
When you take a long time, you are slow.
When you don't do what you were asked, you are lazy.
When you take a stand, you're being stubborn.
When you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When you overlooked a rule, you're being rude.
When you're out of the office, you are wandering around.
When you make a mistake, you are an idiot.
When you have a day off sick, you're always sick.
When you please your boss, you are an ass-licker.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
That's it for this month. Hope you enjoyed it.. well, have a great month and "see ya" again in the next issue in November..
All the best ;-)
1. October 2009
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