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Monthly Jokes from Craziestjokes.com Issue #010 -- July 2010
July 01, 2010
Warm enough in the Northern Hemisphere and cool enough in Australia, July is a great month for camping and hiking. Here are a few hiking jokes to tell over the campfire:
In light of the increasing frequency of human and grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.
"We advise that outdoorsmen should wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them," a spokesman said.
"We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear".
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear paw prints and scat.
A grizzly's paw is larger and its claws are longer than that of a black bear.
Black bear scat contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear scat has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in Australian Outback.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?”
The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What that tell you?” asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?” “You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.”
Ole was hiking in the mountains of Norway and he slips on a wet rock and falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff.
He falls twenty feet and grabs hold of a bush that's growing out of a rock.
And there he is, hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him - certain death - and his hands start to perspire and he starts to slip on this bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up there?"
And he heard a deep voice rings out in the fjord, "I'm here, Ole.
It's the Lord. Have faith. Let go of that bush and I will save you.
"Ole looked down, and then up, and he says, "Is anyone else up there?"
A hiker gets lost and ends up spending a few days wandering around in the woods looking for food.
Finally, he catches a bald eagle, hits it with a big rock, and starts eating it raw.
A park ranger stumbles onto the scene, finds the hiker eating the eagle, and arrests him for killing an endangered species.
In court the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice.
“Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty,” says the judge. “But out of curiosity - what did the bald eagle taste like?”
“Well, your honour,” the hiker says, “it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a woodpecker.”
Well that's it for this month, next month will be back-to-school-times so there will be some Little Johnny jokes on your way on the 1st of August.
See you then ;-)
1. July 2010
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