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Monthly Jokes from Craziestjokes.com Issue #011 -- August 2010
August 01, 2010
August is already here, not sure where the time has gone this year. It will be back to school towards the end of this month, here are some appropriate jokes:
LITTLE JOHNNY jOKES
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded... If you drink Whiskey, you don'r get worms."
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah.
The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F&%# OFF!", the dog killed him!"
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.
Frustrated, Little Johnny decides that the following Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a three day weekend.
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them blue. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag.
At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.
The teacher asks, "What's this?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Two blue ping-pong balls, see ya on Tuesday!"
The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students.
When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, "And what does your father do?"
"Oh, he's a magician," replied Johnny.
"Really? What's his best trick?"
"His best trick is sawing people in half."
"Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?"
"Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters."
Hope you enjoyed ;-) Have a great month and I'll see you here on the 1st of September with some classic Blonde Jokes.
1. July 2010
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