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Monthly Jokes from Craziestjokes.com Issue #012 -- September 2010
September 01, 2010
and welcome to the September issue of CraziestJokes newsletter. This month, it is all about Blonde Jokes.
Here you go:
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.
She has lost her business and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.'
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Again, she prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. I don't often ask You for help and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself.. 'Sweetheart, work with Me on this..... Buy a ticket.'
A truck driver was driving down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop."
Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he stopped and went out to check his tires.
He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.
The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish, not three - just one."
The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble."
The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?"
The driver replied, "How about you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?"
The genie answered, "Well how wide would you like those bridges?"
A blonde decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went for a trip to Egypt and came across a pyramid.
It was a strange pyramid, with a sign at the bottom of the steps that read: “This is the pyramid of 100 steps.
If you get to the top of it, you will get what you’ve wished all your life. But be warned, every five steps someone will pop out and tell you a joke, and if you laugh, you can never try again.” So the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.
The red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.
Then the blonde got to the 99th step and laughed. The guy who was going to tell the joke said “Why did you laugh, i didn't tell the joke yet.”
The blonde said “I know, i laughed because i just got the first joke!”
A blonde tried to sell her old car. But it wasn't easy to sell it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, "There is a way you can make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
Some time later, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blond passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed.
Soon after takeoff, the blond man called a stewardess to his seat and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket.
I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo." Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo."
"Damn!" replied the blond passenger, "I got on the wrong plane."
Well, that's it for September. Next month, there will be some funny animal jokes on your way on the 1st of October.
See ya then ;-)
1. July 2010
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