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Monthly Jokes from CraziestJokes.com Issue #013 -- Oct 10
October 01, 2010
Well October is here and the webmaster of this website is on a funny trip in the Australian outback .. - this is a JOKE itself!!!
Writing right here from the bush looking at my dusty 4WD.. a female in the outback loose on her own and 4wheel driving.. this is gotta be a good joke :-)
While in the bush a few animal jokes have come to my mind, here you go ;-)
This parrot joke came to mind coz in Australian forests (correctly called bush) it is impossible to miss parrots.
A guy has a parrot that swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
But the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets a bit too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him, and yells, "STOP IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets furious and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggrevates the bird, he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invectives that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.
The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets all quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts getting worried. After a couple of minutes of silence, he can't help but opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.
I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astonished. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
This one came to mind because there are some world's largest cockroaches in the Australian bush...
A man is sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rings.
He opens the door, and there is a six-foot tall cockroach that punches him between the eyes and takes off.
The next evening, the man is sitting at home again when the doorbell rings.
When he answers the door, the cockroach is there again.
It punches him, kicks him and karate choppes him and then runs away.
The third evening, well the man is sitting at home again and the doorbell rings.
He opens the door again, and the cockroach leaps at him and stabs him before running away.
Badly injured, the man rings ambulance.
He's rushed to intensive care where they save his life.
When the doctor asks what happened, the man explains about the attacks of the six-foot cockroach, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
The doctor thinks for a moment and says,
"Yes, there's a nasty bug going around".
But more obviously of course, there are kangaroos, koalas, and other typical Australian animals, reminding me of some of those..
Why do mother kangaroos hate wet weather? Their kids have to play inside.
Why did the 1st koala fall out of the tree?
(This is the animal that some smarties tell you is the drop bear - there is no such thing!).
A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
The Koala eats the sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar.
The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think you're going!?"
The Koala replies, "Hey, I'm a Koala. Look it up."
The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala:
The dictionary said "n. a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."
This actually reminded me of wombat, because wombat is actually the guy that eats, roots and leaves...
There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.
Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?"
"You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children.
"Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the chldren shouted. "Billy doesn't know what the Purple Wombat is!"
The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in the very back of the bus, all by himself.
Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went to class. Class proceeded normally; the students did the pledge of allegiance and worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then the teacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really paying attention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the Purple Wombat.
Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked, "Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?"
"You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm, "Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man. No, no buts -- march!"
So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to the principal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, and timidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, sat the principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thin mustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough to frighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost to tears.
"Well, Billy," he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?"
"Mr. Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's been acting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher just sent me to you and stuff."
"Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-Pal, after all. Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?"
"It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is."
"What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am calling your mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended."
The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home. Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother was standing in the doorway waiting for him.
"Billy!" she called, sobbing, "I was so worried about you! What happened?"
"Mom," Billy cried, "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in the back of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what the Purple Wombat is!"
"What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked. "Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!"
So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed, crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doors shutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talking downstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and his door opened.
"Billy," his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother says you've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?"
"Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!"
"You...don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you can just stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!"
Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on his bed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way -- lying there, crying, wishing he would wake up.
Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said: "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy."
Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice, but he could not.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy."
It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on, opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat."
Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He got to the edge of a wood.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy."
The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and very frightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy."
Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he kept falling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going, driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy."
Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the town lake.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy."
It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboats from the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, it was very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was.
"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy."
The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, and the boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way across the lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy."
It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood up to look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn't know how to swim, so he drowned.
Moral: Don't stand up in a boat.
This was all I got together this time, well next month (unless I get eaten by drop bears or crocodiles), I'll be back on deck and sending you a newsletter that is prepared with more time on my hands (sorry if this one was a bit thin, your surely understand that I haven't got the conditions here ;-). The next one is in your way on the 1st of November with Halloween Jokes.
All the best meanwhile, I better get out to the heat and go and get some firewood :-)
1. October 2010
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