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Monthly Jokes from Issue #017-- Jan 11
February 01, 2011

Hello Everyone!

It's February already, so here is some last minute Valentine's Day advice :-)

Don't tell your partner about that perfect present you almost bought.

Don't tell your date you forgot your wallet again.

Don't give the same Valentine card you gave your partner last year.

Do NOT giver her:

Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.

Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.

Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.

A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

A gift certificate.


Here are one guy's ideas:

* Brand new mop and bucket.

I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn't remember.

* Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.

I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.

* Midnight moped ride through the park. I was thinking that I'm getting too old to be peddling on the bike.

* Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.

* Chocolates left-over from last year's candy box. I was thinking of how proud she'd be of me for not wasting food. She's been nagging me for years to recycle.

* Windows Vista. I was thinking how proud she would be to be a part of the technology crowd.

* 45 second back massage. I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.

Things to NOT to say:

"What's today?"

I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

I used to come here all the time with my ex.

It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?

I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.

Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.

Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice.

People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.

I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.

Wish you all a happy Valentine's !!!

See ya next month :-)


1. February 2011

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