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Monthly Jokes, Issue #021-- June 2011
June 01, 2011

Hi folks,

OK I got myself a new fancy phone this month, so been sending a few texting jokes... People love receiving them, try if you don't believe!

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep now.

Borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're better now.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Born Free... Taxed to Death.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole.

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).

Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe she’ll never change. Both are mistaken.

Never drink while driving. You could spill your drink.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Men wouldn’t lie so much in their life if the women didn’t ask so many questions.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Umm.. Have a good month :-)


1. June 2011

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