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Monthly Jokes, Issue #023-- August 2011
August 01, 2011
I thought, this time i'd send you some funny quotes..
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world - Calvin.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! - Homer J. Simpson
To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times. - Mark Twain.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. - Hillary Clinton.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? - Bob Monkhouse
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. - Bertrand Russell
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. - Imelda Marcos
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. - Samuel Goldwyn
I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. - George Bush.
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. -- General William Westmoreland
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter).
I like marriage. The idea. - Toni Morrison
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher ... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man.. I could be eating a slow learner. - Lyndon B. Johnson
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. - George W. Bush
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. - Mark Twain
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like.. love! - Homer J Simpson.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery. - Paul Lynde
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. - Christopher Isherwoo
Cheers from Australia :-)
1. August 2011
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