Hi everyone,

I thought, this time i'd send you some funny quotes..

***

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world - Calvin.

***

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! - Homer J. Simpson

***

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times. - Mark Twain.

***

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. - Hillary Clinton.

***

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

***

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? - Bob Monkhouse

***

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

***

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. - Bertrand Russell

***

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. - Imelda Marcos

***

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

***

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. - Samuel Goldwyn

***

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. - George Bush.

***

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. -- General William Westmoreland

***

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter).

***

I like marriage. The idea. - Toni Morrison

***

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher ... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates

***

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man.. I could be eating a slow learner. - Lyndon B. Johnson

***

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. - George W. Bush

***

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. - Mark Twain

***

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like.. love! - Homer J Simpson.

***

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

***

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery. - Paul Lynde

***

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen

***

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

***

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. - Christopher Isherwoo

***

Cheers from Australia :-)

Katrin

1. August 2011

CraziestJokes.com

For Copyright issues, please see CraziestJokes' Site Policies

P.S. If you miss an issue of CraziestJokes Newsletter, the fault is in your end. I always send one. The most likely reason is that your ISP has mistakenly filtered out our newsletter. I do my best to let the filters know that this is not a junk email. I cannot guarantee that I succeed though, as those filters are different for every ISP. Consider whitelisting CraziestJokes, so that our newsletter doesn't end up in your trash folder, or even worse, is completely deleted before it ever reaches you.

I will NEVER send you anything but our newsletter with our monthly jokes, and I will NEVER give your email address to any third parties.