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Monthly Jokes, Issue #026-- November 2011
November 01, 2011
Run out of Halloween jokes this year, hope cannibal jokes will do instead this time :-)
Two cannibals are eating dinner.
One says: "You know, I really hate my sister."
The other says: "Just eat the vegetables."
Two cannibals sat beside a large fire, after eating the best meal they'd had in ages.
"Your wife sure makes a good roast," commented the first cannibal.
"Yeah," replied the second. "I'm really going to miss her..."
A man was captured by cannibals.
"What," asked the cannibal chief, licking his lips, "was your job before you were captured?"
"I was a newspaper man," the man said.
"No, merely a sub-editor."
"Cheer up. After dinner you will be editor-in-chief."
Two cannibals are eating a man, one starting from the head the other from the feet.
A few minutes into their feast the one who started from the head says to the one who started at the feet,"How's it going down their?".
The other answers, "I'm having a ball!".
To which the answer is, "Slow down you're going to fast!"
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you?
We're being boiled alive!
They're going to eat us!
What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The laughing missionary said, "I just peed in their soup!"
A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days.
They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes.
The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall.
As the father watches the water cascade off her body, he is aware of his son at his side.
The boy says "I'm hungry dad, lets eat."
The father replies "This specimen is too good too eat."
The boy grumbles that they have not eaten for days and he is really hungry.
The father says he has a plan. The boy is overjoyed that he will soon eat, so he asks what the plan is...
The father says "We sneak up to the edge of the clearing, and when she comes out of the water, we kidnap her, take her home and Eat Your Mother.
A pilot was flying over the jungle when he started having engine trouble.
Eventually the engine stopped and he realised that he would have to bail out before it lost too much height and crashed.
So he put on his parachute and jumped out of the door.
He pulled the rip cord, his parachute opened and he floated gently down towards a clearing in the jungle.
Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of a large cooking pot in which the chief of the cannibals was cooking lunch.
The chief cried out in astonishment, "whats this flier doing in my soup?"
Three men were lost in the forest and captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.
The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second guy arrives with ten berries.
When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
Have a great month and til the next newsletter, with Christmas Jokes :-)
1. November 2011
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