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Monthly Jokes, Issue #030-- March 2012
March 01, 2012
One thing I always find funny is cannibal jokes....
A man was captured by cannibals.
"What," asked the cannibal chief, licking his lips, "was your job before you were captured?"
"I was a newspaper man," the man said.
"No, merely a sub-editor."
"Cheer up. After dinner you will be editor-in-chief."
Two cannibals sat beside a large fire, after eating the best meal they'd had in ages.
"Your wife sure makes a good roast," commented the first cannibal.
"Yeah," replied the second. "I'm really going to miss her..."
The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in.
“Your Majesty,” he said, “the slaves are revolting!”
“You don’t have to tell me,” said the king.
“I m trying to eat them.
“Where did we get these slaves from anyway?”
“From the country next door,” replied the servant.
“We must get a new butcher,” said the king.
“Bring me Delia Smith.”
“We can't, Your Majesty, she’s still cooking for you.”
“Well, bring her to me once she’s crispy enough,” said the king.
Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:
"You're all part of our team now.
You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat.
So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss says:
"You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you.
One of our female developers has disappeared however.
Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the
"You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders,
managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now
YOU ate one developer and it got noticed.
So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you?
We're being boiled alive!
They're going to eat us!
What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The laughing missionary said, "I just peed in their soup!"
A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days.
They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes.
The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall.
As the father watches the water cascade off her body, he is aware of his son at his side.
The boy says "I'm hungry dad, lets eat."
The father replies "This specimen is too good too eat."
The boy grumbles that they have not eaten for days and he is really hungry.
The father says he has a plan. The boy is overjoyed that he will soon eat, so he asks what the plan is...
The father says "We sneak up to the edge of the clearing, and when she comes out of the water, we kidnap her, take her home and Eat Your Mother.
A cannibal is watching his friend, also a cannibal. His friend walks up to someone and eats him, then comes back and announces 'I'm a vegetarian.'
'But I just saw you eat that person!'
The first cannibal says,
'That's because he was a Swede.'
The missionary arrived in the cannibal village on Saturday, and by Monday night he was history.
Looking through his belongings, one of the natives found a magazine and without missing a beat began tearing out pictures of people and popping them in is mouth.
Seeing what he was doing, a friend asked, “So… how’s the dehydrated stuff?"
Two cannibals are eating a man, one starting from the head the other from the feet.
A few minutes into their feast the one who started from the head says to the one who started at the feet,"How's it going down their?".
The other answers, "I'm having a ball!".
To which the answer is, "Slow down you're going to fast!"
Have a great month :-)
1. March 2012
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