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Monthly Jokes, Issue #033-- June 2012
June 01, 2012

Hi people,

It's this time of the year... it's summer in the Northern Hemisphere and time to go for holidays :-)

Well how about some funny away messages.......


This is Bob.

If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.

If you are my parents, please send money.

If you are my financial institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.

If you are my friends, you owe me some money.

If you are a female, don’t worry – I have plenty of money.


Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec.

If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now.

If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now.

Otherwise, leave your message after the beep.


Hello, this is David.

I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.

On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone.

I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back—only that I won't.


Hello, this is the Brown residence.

We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.


This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes.

If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

After the tone, please leave a massage — my shoulders really could use it, and... What? You're only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn....


Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished.


This is Deb's answering machine.

I'm SO depressed.

I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone.

Don't talk to me about life.

Just leave your name and number after the beep.

Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.



Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand?

Well, sometimes I do. Bye.


Haha, I sometimes feel the last one applies to myself :-)



1. June 2012

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