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Monthly Jokes, Issue #034-- July 2012
July 01, 2012
Once we got started with away messages, I found more.....
Bored voice: Heaven, God speaking...
Frantic violin music: Hello. You have reached 555-3949.
We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats.
Please leave a message.
Sinister organ music: Hello, you have reached the Brown residence.
You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message.
Or number two, suffer eternal damnation.
(Horrid death scream.) You decide.
To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, No one's home, Leave a message, At the tone.
Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us.
Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home": You have reached 555-8783.
Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I pick up the phone...
There's still... Nobody home.")
(In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:)
Jack Webb voice: This is the city.
Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here.
I carry a tune.
I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411.
It sounded like good information to me.
But I needed more. A name and a number.
So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX.
Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)
In Joe Friday voice: This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service.
The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada.
To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations.
In a good Australian accent: G'day mate.
Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile.
Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
Stoned, slow voice: Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline.
None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.
Enjoy your holidays :-)
1. July 2012
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