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Monthly Jokes, Issue #034-- July 2012 July 01, 2012 |
Hi again,
Once we got started with away messages, I found more.....
Bored voice: Heaven, God speaking...
Frantic violin music: Hello. You have reached 555-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message.
Sinister organ music: Hello, you have reached the Brown residence. You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message. (Angelic "Hallelujah!") Or number two, suffer eternal damnation. (Horrid death scream.) You decide.
To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, No one's home, Leave a message, At the tone. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us.
Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home": You have reached 555-8783. Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I pick up the phone... There's still... Nobody home.")
(In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:) Jack Webb voice: This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)
In Joe Friday voice: This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations.
In a good Australian accent: G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
Stoned, slow voice: Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.
Enjoy your holidays :-)
Katrin
1. July 2012
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