When her man asked her the following day where she'd been she said she
spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The bloke was a bit suspicious so he rang her ten closest friends, but
none of them had seen her.
The following week the man didn't come home one night.
The woman asked him where he'd been.
The man said he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was
safer not to drive when drunk.
The woman didn’t believe him so she rings his ten best mates.
Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still
there.
Aussie
Jokes -- Weather in
Canberra
+25°C: Queenslanders turn on the heat. Melbournians sunbathe.
+10°C: Melbournians turn on the heat. People in Tasmania plant
gardens.
+5°C: Sydney residents shiver uncontrollably. People in Canberra go
swimming.
+2°C: Italian cars won't start. People in Canberra drive with the
windows open.
0°C: Distilled water freezes. Canberra water gets thicker.
-7°C: Sydney people wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in
Canberra throw on a T-shirt.
-9°C: Queenslanders begin to evacuate the state. People in Canberra
go
camping.
-18°C: Melbourne landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canberra have a last BBQ before it gets cold.
-23°C:
People
in Perth cease to
exist. People in Canberra lick flagpoles.
-29°C: Sydney people fly away to South Pacific islands. People in
Canberra throw on a light jacket.
-40°C: Darwin disintegrates. People in Canberra rent videos.
-51°C: Mt. Hotham freezes. Canberra Girl Guides begin selling Guide
biscuits door to door.
-62°C: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave
Antarctica. Canberra Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it
gets cold enough.
-73°C: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canberra put
on a
coat.
-114°C: Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canberra get frustrated
when
they can't thaw their kegs.
-183°C: Microbial life start to disappear. Canberra cows complain of
farmers with cold hands.
-273°C: ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canberra start saying
"Cold
'nuff for ya?"
-296°C: Hell freezes over. Canberra wins the soccer.
Aussie Joke -- Funny Aussie Jokes -- Bubba and His Two Assholes
Bubba died in
a fire and was
burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body.
So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope,
ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him
over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it
ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had
two assholes.
"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.
Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with
them two assholes".
Aussie Jokes -- Funny Aussie Jokes
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