Jokes -- Snake Jokes
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes, why?..."
"I just bit me lip."
Clean Short Jokes -- Two Atoms
Two atoms are walking down the street, towards each other, but neither sees the other.
They crash into each other and they both fall down.
"Are you okay?" the first atom says to his friend.
"Well, I think I lost an electron, but otherwise I'm alright."
"Are you sure?"
Best Short Jokes Ever -- Psychologist Jokes
A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem.
"Doctor, doctor!" he started, "I've got this problem, I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog; a large, white, hairy, Pyrenees mountain dog.
I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor.
"Come over here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh no, Doctor. I'm not allowed up on the furniture."
Best Short Jokes Ever -- Flier in the Soup
Long time ago, a plane was flying above the rainforest when suddenly the engine stalled.
The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land.
Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.
All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked,
"What's this flier doing in my soup?"
Really Funny Short Jokes -- Barber Shop Joke
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Really Funny Short Jokes -- The Shoe Repair Store
A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost twenty years. He found everything just the way he remembered it.
He went up to the counter and asked the man about a pair of shoes that he had left there for heel repair almost 20 years ago.
"One minute. I'll check,” replied the man.
A few minutes later, the repairman came back.
"Well..." said the man,
"They'll be ready Tuesday."
Short Funny Clean Jokes -- Best Short Jokes Ever
It was the
day of the big sale.
Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...
"That does it!
If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"
Best Short Jokes Ever -- Dad Jokes
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest.
He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter.
He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head.
He then says:"You two know nothing about fast.
My father is a civil servant.
He finishes working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!"
Best Short Jokes Ever -- Nursing Home Jokes
In a nursing home: “Remember, Abe, when we were at war (WWII), and they gave us these pills so that we wouldn’t want to chase women?”
“Yeah, I remember . . . .”
“It seems that they finally have started working."
-- Best Short Jokes Ever -- Dentist Jokes
"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist."Im sorry sir." she replied.
"Hes out right now, but...""Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"
-- Best Short Jokes Ever -- Cowboy Jokes
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barbers chair and said, "Ill have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "Im married and my husband wouldnt like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and Ill pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
-- Best Short Jokes Ever -- Restaurant Jokes --
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.There was a big sign posted.
"No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldnt be eating here."