Best Vegetables for Dieting Jokes

Some of the best vegetables for dieting are carrots, cucumbers, radishes, fresh green beans, celery, cauliflower, cabbage, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and lettuce.

It is important to note however, that you don't have to starve yourself being on a veggie diet in order to loose weight.

-- Exceptions from a strict vegetable diet --

There are special conditions and moments when you are allowed to make exceptions, and in some of these cases you will even lose calories.

For example, if no-one sees you eating, what you eat has no calories.

Food eaten from someone else's plate has no calories.

Small food has no calories.

This includes nibblies smaller than one inch, like nuts, maraschino cherries, chocolate kisses, and cubes of cheese and other popular foods on toothpicks like small pieces of sausage etc.

-- Best Vegetables for Dieting Jokes --

Uneven edges on pies and cakes have no calories.

You are allowed to straighten up the edges and eat the irregular pieces without getting in any calories.

Food licked off knives and spoons while in the process of cooking have no calories.

Similarly, if you are using a product to make something else out of it, the first product has no calories.

For example, while you are making chocolate chip cookies, you are allowed to eat chocolate chips but only while you are in the process, as soon as you stop they get calories.

-- Best Vegetables for Dieting Jokes --

Childrens' food has no calories if eaten by adults

This includes spoonfulls of baby food consumed for demonstration purposes, swallowing a few slices of cheese while preparing your childrens' lunch sandwiches, and eating the leftovers from your kids' dinner plate.

Leftovers generally have no calories.

There are two categories here.

If it's leftovers from the plates of your kids and husband, you are absolutely covered to eat it all, no calories.

If it's leftovers that you'd put back to the fridge like extra porkchops or a chicken leg, it's ok to eat it if you can say that "there was only so much left so i though i may as well eat it".

For example, you are allowed the last pork chop and the last chicken leg, but if it's like a half a chicken and you get into it, the calories will count.

-- Best Vegetables for Dieting Jokes --

The food you have to eat.

You are not penalised by calories if your own full intention wasn't to eat it unless you were thrown into a situation out of your control.

That includes birthday cakes, all food eaten at Christmas parties, weddings and all other social occasions where it would not be polite to not to eat.

You can sometimes even get away with it if it's YOU who puts the party on.

Food eaten in front of TV has no calories.

It is not absolutely clear why, but it is believed to have to do with the radiation from TV, which eliminates all the calories, and also all recollection of having eaten it.

-- Best Vegetables for Dieting Jokes --

If you are eating while drunk, the food has no calories.

That is why pub meals are so popular, and also dining with a wine.

The alcohol takes care of all calories.

If you are so drunk that you cannot remember eating, the food has absolutely no calories, because basically you haven't eaten it.

The next day, while hangover, packets of chips and other fatty food have no calories.

This is because the calories are too busy burning the alcohol out of your body.

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