What to Say to Your Boss if you Fall Asleep at Your Desk
"I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
"Darn, you interrupted me! I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm, Amen."
When you take a long time, you are slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When you don't do what you were asked, you are lazy.
When your boss doesn't do what he was asked, he is too busy.
When you take a stand, you're being stubborn.
When your boss takes a stand, he is being firm.
When you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does something without being told, he is taking initiative.
When you overlooked a rule, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you're out of the office, you are wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he is on business.
When you make a mistake, you are an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he is only human.
When you have a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you please your boss, you are an ass-licker.
When your boss pleases his boss, he is being co-operative.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he is overworked.
-- Funny Boss Jokes -- Funny Boss Jokes --
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes.
On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying:
"These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble.
In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order;
envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike.
The company closes, and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes.
So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing".
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end.
His job is saved, and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits.
He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope.
It reads, "Blame the government for everything".
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later the workers declare another strike.
The manager goes to the
third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes".
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