ONE LINE CLEAN JOKES
What does a cat do when it gets mad?
It has a hissy fit.
What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
Hiss and Tell.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.
Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?The retail store.
How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
Why is the cat so grouchy?
Because he's in a bad mewd.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
An eskimew.
What is the cat's favourite magazine?
Good Mousekeeping.
What is a cat's way of keeping law & order?
Claw Enforcement.
--
Cats
One Line Clean Jokes --
Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you?
That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
What is a cat's favourite mov e?
"The Sound of Mewsic."
What do cats use to make coffee?
A purrcolator.
What is a cat's favourite car?
The Catillac.
What is a cat's favourite colour?
Purrrrrrrple!
Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look?
Because you stop looking after you find it.
What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
The purrpatrator.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.
What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas?
Sandy Claws.
What is a cat's favourite subject in school?
HISStory.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.
What do you use to comb a cat?
A catacomb.
How does the cat get its own way?
With friendly purrsuasion.
Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?
Because it squeaked.
Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical.
-- Cats One Line Clean Jokes --
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
How do cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up.
Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?
Your lap.
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
Because he's always spotted.
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
A micecream cone.
What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?
A peeping tom.
What kind of cat will keep your grass short?
A Lawn Meower.
If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?
None! They were copy cats.
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.
--
Cats
One Line Clean Jokes --
What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work
stations had mice?
Don't you have a cat?
Why did the cat run from the tree?
Because it was afraid of the bark!
What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?
He stole the whole show!
What is a cat's favourite song?
Three Blind Mice.
What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner?
Chain litter.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
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