You need to have one hundred points to get into heaven.
You tell me about all the good things you've done.
They are all worth a certain number of points.
If your total is one hundred or more, you can come in."
"Well," says the man. "I was happily married to the same woman for 52 years.
I never looked at another woman.
I was attentive and loved her dearly."
"That's great," says St. Peter.
"That'll be two points."
"Hmmm," says the man.
"This is going to be harder than I thought.
Well, I attended church regularly, volunteered my time and tithed faithfully."
"Wonderful," says St. Peter, "That's worth another point."
"One point!" says the man. "Okay, okay.
I was involved with a prison ministry for twenty-five years.
I went into the prison, at least monthly, and shared Jesus with them."
"Wow!" says St. Peter.
"That's another two points!"
"Only two points!" says the man.
"At this rate, it'll be by the grace of God that'll I'll ever get into this place."
"Bingo!" says St. Peter.
"That's one hundred points! Come on in."
Funny Christian Clean Jokes -- St Peter Christian Clean Jokes
When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest.
We've heard a lot about you."
"Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."
"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test.
My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "
"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions.
Here they are."
1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
2) How many seconds are in a year?
3) What is God's first name?
"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy.
Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?
Today and Tomorrow."
St. Peter looked surprised and said,
"Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point.
I give you credit for that answer."
"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."
"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.
"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"
St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean.
I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."
"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."
"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"
"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it."
Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."
St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"
Christian Clean Jokes --
Church Jokes -- Little Johnny
Little Johnny's mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church", with their three kittens.
He had the kittens sitting in a row, and he was preaching to them.
She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the kittens in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that! Those kittens are afraid of water!"
Johnny looked at her and said...
"They should have thought about that, before they joined my church."