CHURCH JOKES
There was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins.
When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
"Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3
years and nothing serious ever happened between us.
Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her
sister.
We were alone and I slept with her."
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to my grilfriend's office to look for her,
but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with
her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her,
nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father? ... Father?"
Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father,
he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there.
So he began searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the
table behind the piano.
"Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except
me."
-- Funny Church Jokes --
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively
mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if
any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older
boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy
down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where
is God!!?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the
boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove
into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What
happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG
trouble this time, dude.
God is missing - and they think WE did it!"
-- Funny Church Jokes --
Three
Pastors were having
lunch together at a diner.
The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having
trouble with mice in my church.
I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them
away.
The second Pastor then said "Yea, me too.
I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church.
I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they
still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said, "I had the same problem
so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church...
Haven't seen one back since!!!"
-- Funny Church Jokes --
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the
sin of lying.
To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands.
He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
-- Funny Church Jokes --
A man, down
on his luck, went
into a church which catered to the "uppity".
Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches
image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help.
The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this
church."
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he
might get a different answer.
The next Sunday the man returned.
The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"
The man replied, "Yes I did.
I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord
said, 'Don't worry about it son;
I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it
yet."
