Short Clean Christmas Jokes

What's the first thing elves learn in school?

The "elf"-abet.

I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one hand.

Yeah, but where are we going to find a one-handed reindeer?

What do snowmen eat for lunch?


How do snowmen travel around?

By iceicle.

How do snowmen greet each other?

Ice to meet you.

What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle.

-- Short Clean Christmas Jokes --

What's a snowman's favorite Mexican food?


Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?

You have to hollow out it's head first.

”I don't care who you are, fatso.

Get the reindeer off my roof!”

Sherlock's favorite Christmas song:

"I'll be Holmes for Christmas"

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey - he's always stuffed!

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

No you can have turkey like everyone else.

We had grandma for Christmas dinner?

Really, we had turkey.

-- Short Clean Christmas Jokes --

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?

You wake up wet.

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?

She’d go to a “re-tail” shop for a new one.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


What do snowmen eat for breakfast?


Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.

That's probably why the ocean's full of currants.

What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?

A mistle-"toad".

What did the grape say to the peanut butter?

"Tis the season to be jelly."

-- Short Clean Christmas Jokes --

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling crummy.

What kind of money do they use at the North Pole?

Cold cash.

I keep Christmas in my heart every month of the year.

That's because it's on my charge card statement that long.

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

CHRISTMESS: Five minutes after the gifts are opened.

What kind of music do elves like best?

"Wrap" music.

Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?


How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?

Chick to chick.

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