CLEAN ITALIAN JOKES
cLEAN iTALIAN jOKES
Alexandra was walking along a Boulevard, involved in a prayer.
He asked God for one wish. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, God said,
"Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Italy, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
God was in awkward situation.
God said, "Your request is very materialistic.
Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking.
All the technology needed to reach the bottom of the ocean!
The concrete and steel it would take!
I
can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Think
for
sometime and ask another wish."
Alexandra thought for a while and then said, "God, I have been married and divorced three times.
All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive.
Here is my wish: I would like to know how to make an Italian woman happy."
The God went in heavy thought mode, and said, "OK, son, you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Funny Clean Italian Jokes -- Funny Italian Joke
Alexandra and Berlusconi had met after a long time.
Alexandra asked Berlusconi, "Hey, Berlusconi where you been for the past two weeks? No one has seen you around."
"Dona talka to me, Alexandra," replied Berlusconi.
"I been inna jail."
"Jail!" exclaimed Alexandra. "What for you been in jail?"
"Wella, Alexandra," Berlusconi said,
"I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail."
"But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!", Alexandra said.
Berlusconi said, "Yeah, but dis beach was screamin' and akickin' and ayellin'!"
Funny Clean Italian Jokes -- Another Italian Joke
Three friends, an architect, an artist and an Italian engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with your wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The Italian engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" But, how? Asked other two.
Engineer: "If you have a wife and a mistress, both of them assume you are spending time with the other woman.
So you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Funny Clean Italian Jokes -- Italian Family Jokes
You know you're Italian when
Your grandfather had a fig tree
Plastic on the furniture is normal
Your mom's meatballs are the best
You eat Sunday dinner at 2pm.
There are more than 28 people in your wedding party
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners
You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you
Funny Italian Joke -- Clean Italian Jokes
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them:
"Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile,"
the Englishman says, not believing what he is hearing.
"Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent.
"Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".
The Englishman replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come".
"He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".
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