Funny Clean Wedding Jokes

Wedding MC:

“I should tell you about the bride.

The first time she met the groom she told him,

‘I'm not looking to get involved with one particular guy right now.’

The groom said,

“Well luckily for you, I'm not exactly known for being particular.”

Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service.

After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.

'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested.

Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

-- Clean Wedding Jokes --

Relationships can be very puzzling as we all know.

Take celibacy, for example; this can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a special Marriage Awareness Weekend in Doncaster, Yorkshire, England, Nicky and Victoria listened to the facilitator intone,

'It is so very important that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.'

He turned to the men and asked,

'Can you each name your wife's favourite flower?'

Nicky leaned over, touched Victoria's arm gently and whispered,

'Self raising, isn't it?'

Thus began Nicky's life of celibacy.

-- Clean Wedding Jokes --

A young couple was called to heaven before they could be married.

The disppointed groom asked St. Peter if it would still be possible for them to get married.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait," St. Peter replied.

If you still want to get married we will talk about it."

Five years passed and the couple came back.

They asked to be married again.

St. Peter said, "Sorry, you'll have to wait five more years."

They waited another five years and St. Peter said they could be married.

The wedding was beautiful and at first the couple was happy,

but then they realized they made a mistake.

They now asked St. Peter if they could get a divorce.

"What?" St. Peter asked.

"It took us 10 years to find a minister in heaven, and now you want a lawyer?"

-- Clean Wedding Jokes --

Their last marriage fight ever

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister.

“Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”

“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think it is.

Every marriage has to have its first fight!”

“I know, I know!” said Joanna, “but what am I going to do with the BODY?”

-- Clean Wedding Jokes --  

'Hello, Bill,' exclaimed Jim, meeting a buddy for the first time in a while.

'Did you marry that girl you used to go with or are you still doing your own cooking and ironing?'

'Yes,' replied Bill.

'Congratulations my boy!' said the groom's uncle.

'I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.'

'But I'm not getting married until tomorrow.' Protested his nephew.

'I know,' replied the uncle, 'that's exactly what I mean.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at all.

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