COMPUTER PRACTICAL JOKES

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Online Computer Jokes -- Computer Support Joke

Things you don't want to hear from tech support:

10. Press 1 for Support, Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes, Press 3 if you're with the FTC....

9. So - what are you wearing?

8. Do you have a sledgehammer or brick handy?

7. Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n.

6. We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.

5. In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.

4. Bummer Duuuuuude.

3. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't do that.

2. ... that's right, not even MacGyver could fix it.

1. Hold on a second....... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!

Computer Practical Jokes -- Bill Gates Jokes

Bill Gates died and went to heaven. When he got there he met God.

God said "Where do you want to go, Heaven or Hell?"

Bill Gates said, "Can I have a look at them first?"

So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white.

Next God took him to Hell.

Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with gorgeous women in colorful bikinis, all the iced beer a person could drink and everyone was splashing in the water and having fun.

Bill Gates choose Hell.

A few weeks later God went to visit Bill in Hell where he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed to God:

"When you let me look at Hell, it was full of gorgeous women, iced beer and fun.

What happened??!!?"

God replied, "Oh that? It was only a demo."

Computer Practical Jokes -- Computer Practical Jokes -- Computer Virus Jokes

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

-- Computer Practical Jokes -- Computer Practical Jokes --

MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

-- Computer Practical Jokes -- Computer Practical Jokes --

Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Nike virus: Just does it.

Computer Practical Jokes -- Less Known Facts about Bill Gates

1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every second, that's about US$20 Million a day and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!

2. If he drops a thousand dollars, he won't even bother to pick it up because during the 4 seconds he picks it, he would've already earned it back.

3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion dollars, if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.

4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth and still be left with US$5 Million for his pocket money.

5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn't drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he'll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is now.

6. If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on earth.

7. If you change all of Bill Gate's money to US$1 notes, you can make a road from the earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 Boeing 747 planes to transport all the money.

8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money before he goes to heaven.

9. If Microsoft Windows' users can claim US$1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt in 3 years.

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