COMPUTER TECH JOKES

Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work:



   19. Strange...

  18. I've never heard about that.

  17. It did work yesterday

  16. Well, the program needs some fixing.

  15. How is this possible?

  14. The machine seems to be broken.

  13. The user has made an error again.

  12. There is something wrong in your test data

  11. I have not touched that module!

  10. Yes yes, it will be ready in time.

   9. You must have the wrong executable.

   8. Oh, it's just a feature.

   7. I'm almost ready.

   6. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.

   5. It's already there, but it has not been tested.

   4. Somebody must have changed my code.

   3. Even though it does not work, how does it feel?

   2. It's a setup problem.

   1. A smart user would never do that!

Funny Computer Tech Jokes -- Hilarious Computer Tech Jokes

You've been programming too long when

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for omitting the else clause.

Computer Tech Jokes -- Computer Engineer Jokes

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero."

The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week."

The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?

I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer.

I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Funny Computer Tech Jokes -- Hilarious Computer Tech Jokes

Jesus and Satan got into an argument over who was better computer programmer.

Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them.

They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.

Well, they both got right down to business, and wrote lines and lines and lines of code.

But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder.

The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.

When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work.

Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures - all kinds of bells and whistles.

God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, "I've got nothing, absolutely nothing.

My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out.

Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?"

God replied, "Everybody knows - Jesus Saves."