Funny Danish Jokes

A Dane was in a pub in Sweden and a regular customer suggested to him:

"I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head."

The Dane thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.

The Swede smashed the first bottle on the Dane's head, then the second and so on, but stopped after smashing nine bottles.

"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Dane.

"I am not a total idiot," the Swede replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."

A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Danish joke.

The bartender pointed to a large man at the end of the bar and said, "He's Danish.''

Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated, "He's Danish.''

The bartender then asked, "Now do you still want to tell that Danish joke, because I'm Danish, too.''

The customer replied, "Naah, not if I have to explain it three times.''

-- Funny Danish Jokes --

Danish road worker was hired to paint the line that goes down the center of the road.

The first day he managed to paint 2 kilometers, and his boss was very pleased.

The next day he only painted 200 meters, but his boss thought that he'd probably started off too hard on the first day.

But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 meters.

The boss called him into the office and demanded an explanation.

"Well, you see it's getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the Dane explained.

-- Funny Danish Jokes --

A Danish space-scientist came running into the office of his Norwegian colleague.

"The Danes will be the first to send a manned spaceship to the sun," he said.

The Norwegian colleague responded, "But the temperature will be millions of degrees there!"

The Dane stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said,

"Oh, don't worry, we will be landing during the winter."

-- Funny Danish Jokes --

Swede, a Dane and a Norwegian found themselves deserted on a small island.

A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they imprisoned the three men.

The cannibals gave each of them a final wish.

First they asked the Norwegian.

The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more.

The cannibals went to find the wife.

After he saw his wife, the Norwegian was eaten, and the cannibals made a canoe out of his skin.

The Swede wanted to smoke one more cigarette.

He got his cigarette.

After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a canoe.

Then came the Dane's turn - he wanted a fork.

He started to punch holes into himself, and yelled: "YOU WON'T MAKE A CANOE OUT OF ME!"

-- Green Side Up --

A couple was looking through their new home with Ole the contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms.

They went into the living room first, said they'd like to have it in a pale green.

Ole wrote something down on a pad, then went to the window and yelled, "Grøn sida oop!"

They went on into the kitchen, where the couple chose a light clay color for the room.

Again the Ole wrote something on a pad, went to the window, and yelled " Grøn sida oop!"

This continued from room to room, upstairs and downstairs - all through the house until they were finished.

Finally, the husband couldn't contain himself any longer, he had to find out what was going on.

"I'm confused," he said.

"Every room we've gone to, we've picked out a particular room color, you've written on a pad, then gone to the window and yelled, "Grøn sida oop!

Now, I know a little Norwegian and we didn't choose green in any room. What's going on?"

"Oh!", said Ole, "I've got a Dane out der planting new lawn for me."

-- Short Danish Jokes --

A Danish student was in a bookstore.

"This book will do half the job for you," the clerk said.

"Good, I will have two, " the Dane replied.

"I wonder what time it is?" one Dane asked another.

"At least it's not 17.00," the other answered, "because at 17.00 I am supposed to be home, and I am not home now."

Why do Danish people never play hide and seek?

Nobody wants to look for them.

What is a party game played by Danes?

One Dane goes into a box and the other tries to guess which Dane is in it.

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