FINNISH JOKES
Two finns had been drinking in the wilderness for two weeks on a very cold winter.
They were sitting on a camp fire next to their snow cave and they were drinking.
Their friend Jukka got a bit worried after third week and sent a trained dog to rescue them.
He attached a barrel of Vodka to the dog and asked it to find his friends..
Those two finns saw a dog coming towards them and the other shouted:
"Oh there is the rescue, our best friend coming towards us, but what an earth they have attached to it?".
"Can't you see? It is Jukka's dog!"
-- Funny Finnish Jokes --
History how Finns arrived in Finland and how they got separated from their cousins Estonians and Hungarians.
Thousands of years ago Finns, Estonians and Hungarians were living as one nation somewhere very far in East, behind the Ural mountains.
One day they got an idea: "Let's go west".
So, they started their journey towards west together.
Somewhere around Poland they came to an intersection where were two signs:
"South: fertile land, good climate" and "North: No possibilities to cultivate land;
cold and horrible climate".
Those who could read, went south and those uneducated poor ones went north.
Once they were on the shore of Baltic Sea, some of the people had learned to read.
They stopped at a sign "Be aware of weak ice". They stayed in Estonia.
Finns continued, half of them drowned but rest enjoyed swimming in icy water and survived until the other shore.
There they faced an empty, hostile land where 40% was covered by lakes, 40% by wet and hopeless swamps and bogs and 20% was covered by rocks on rocks and rocks under the ground surrounded by mighty forests.
For thousands of years since then without thinking Finns were digging the swamps and forests by hands and carrying the rocks away from burned forests to give way to some small pitch of land where they could grow few potatoes and some carrots just to realize the frost in summer made all effort fruitless.
And they lived their life happy forever without knowing they could have chosen differently.
-- Short Finnish Jokes --
Did you ever hear about the Finn who went ice-fishing...
...and returned home with 10lbs of ice?
Esko Aho and Paavo Vyrynen were talking about the speeches they had given during their election campaign.
"What did you say?" asked Aho.
"Nothing."
"I know that, but what words did you use?"
-- Short Finnish Jokes --
The local ski race was held one Saturday and Nieminen came in last - a full hour behind everyone else.
"Do you really like to ski?" the official asked Nieminen at the finish line.
"Of course I do", Nieminen roared back.
"Otherwise I wouldn't have spent such a long time on the track."
-- Finnish Jokes about Swedes --
A Swede was in a pub in Finland and a regular customer suggested to him:
"I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head."
The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.
The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Swede.
"I am not a total idiot," the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."
-- Finnish Jokes about Swedes --
There was a sandwich machine in a Swedish factory.
Sven didn't quite understand what the machine was about though.
He went to the machine and paid his ten kroners and got one sandwich.
He was so excited, and paid another ten to the machine and received another sandwich.
Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches.
Another worker was wondering what Sven was doing:
"Sven, don't you think you should stop now?"
"What the hell are you babbling about?! I am just starting to win big!"
-- Finnish Jokes about Swedes --
A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian found themselves deserted on a small island.
A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they emprisoned the three men.
The cannibals gave each of them a final wish.
First they asked the Norwegian.
The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more.
The cannibals went to find the wife.
After he saw his wife, the Norwegian was eaten, and the cannibals made a canoe out of his skin.
The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette.
He got his cigarette.
After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a canoe.
Then came the Swede's turn - he wanted a fork.
He
started to
punch holes into himself, and yelled: "YOU WON'T MAKE A CANOE OUT OF
ME!"
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