Funny Bar Jokes

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.

An old man came in, he was already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.

He then looked around and saw the three men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked.

Man, she is fine!

The biker looked at him and didn't say a word.

His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat.

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad.

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"

The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, grandpa, you're drunk.

Go home!"

-- Funny Bar Jokes -- Good Funny Bar Jokes -- Funny Bar Joke --

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter.

He asks the man, " Where did you get such a big lighter?"

The man replies, "See that man playing piano over there? He's a  genie and he'll grant you one wish."

So the guy walks over to the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks."

All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, "That genie is a little hard of hearing, isn't he?"

The guy replies, "Yeah. You think I asked for a 14 inch bic?"

 -- Funny Bar Jokes -- Best Bar Jokes -- Hilarious Bar Jokes --

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.

"What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "When joo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

-- Funny Bar Jokes -- Good Funny Bar Jokes -- Clean Bar Jokes --

A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer.

He looks around, admiring the room and he soon notices that there are big lumps of meat hanging on the ceiling.

He then says to the bartender, "Why have you got all this meat hanging around?''.

The barman says, 'It's a little bet that we are running.

If you can jump up and grab a bit of meat in your mouth then you can have all of your drinks bought for you.

If you fail then you have to buy everyone else in the bar their drinks for them.

Are you going to have a try at it?''

The man shakes his head and says to the bartender, "No, the stakes are to high."

Funny Bar Jokes -- Amusing Bar Jokes -- Bar Duckman Funny Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other.

The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender "if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing duck".

The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing.

So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it.

A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if he's doing an Irish jig.

Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box.

The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.

So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar.

The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, "Could you tell me how you stop the duck from dancing on top of the box?"

The man replies, "Oh that's easy, you just take the hot coals out."

Funny Bar Jokes -- Good Funny Bar Jokes -- Bar Monkey Funny Joke

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey runs wild: he jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No, what did that stupid thing do this time?" asks the patron.

"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball from the pool table," says the bartender.

"Yeah, well I hope it kills the little shit because he's been driving me nuts," replies the patron.

 The guy finishes his drink and leaves.

Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey.

He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a grape on the bar.

He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"What now?" responds the patron.

"Well, he stuck a grape up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it," says the barkeeper.

"Well, what did you expect?" replied the patron.

"Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

What Other Jokes Have Been Submitted

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Ducks at a bar Not rated yet
Three ducks walk into a bar. The bartender goes up to the first duck and says, "Hey little buddy how are you? Whats your name?" The duck replies, …

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