Funny Birthday Jokes

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out.. a caterer, band, and a hired clown.

Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back.

Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time.

But the clown hadn't shown up.

After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself.

She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn.

She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous.

I have never seen such a thing.

Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

-- Funny Birthday Jokes --

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new car for weeks.

He wanted a new truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less.

And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th.

Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.

-- Funny Birthday Jokes --

Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.

I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.

-- Funny Birthday Jokes --

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings.

They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him.

But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.

"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "

You folks need all the practice you can get."

-- Funny Birthday Jokes --

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

-- Short Funny Birthday Jokes --

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all havernin common? They were all born on holidays.

What type of cake is used for birthday cake in heaven? Angel food cake.

Did you hear about the maple tree’s birthday? It was a sappy one!

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? They both get sliced.

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for her birthday? I do not know, but you hope she enjoys it

Why was the stationmaster's son having a cake on a train seat? It was his berth-day.

What did the birthday balloon state to the pin? “Hi, Buster.”

Why do you put the candles on top the birthday cake? It’s too hard to put the candles on the bottom.

What birthday party games do rabbits like to play? Musical Hares.

What was the average age of a cave man? Stone Age

Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks. I'll never part with it!

What goes up and never comes down? Your age

What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?  Because it was feeling crumby

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.

"This birthday cake certainly is crunchy."

"Maybe you should spit out the plate?

What Other Jokes Have Been Submitted

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Happy Birthday Skinny-Dippin'-Joe! 
Skinny-Dippin'-Joe had just turned 44, ten minutes prior to his mother jumping on him and stuffing birthday pie into his mouth. "Eat it! eat the dang …

The bald man Not rated yet
A bald man got a comb for his birthday. He said, thanks. I'll never part with it.

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