Funny Canadian Jokes

Up in heaven God was talking to an angel about this beautiful country he was creating.

He described this place to the angel.

"It will have lakes, tall mountains, as well as big trees covering the land.

The air will be crisp and fresh , the water will always be clean, and the people will be the most friendly you will ever meet."

"I will call it Canada and the people living inside; Canadians."

"But God." the angel questioned, "don't you think you are being too nice to these Canadians?"

"Nope!" replied God, "Just wait 'till you see their neighbors!"

Funny Canadian Jokes -- New Canadian Jokes

Prime Minister Paul Martin, Finance Minister Ralph Goodale, and Revenue Minister John McCallum are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in British Columbia when Martin turns to Goodale and says, chuckling,

"You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy."

Goodale shrugs and replies, "Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Not to be outdone, McCallum says, "Well I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw all three of them out the window and make millions of people happy."

Three Wishes Jokes

A New Brunswicker, a Quebecer, and a Newfie were walking down the road together and they bumped into a lantern with a genie inside.

Out pops the genie and he says, "I will grant you one wish each. Who wants to go first?"

The New Brunswicker says, "Me, I want to go first."

So the genie replies, "Ok, what is your wish?"

The New Brunswicker said, "My wish is to have a 2-lane highway across New Brunswick, smooth as a baby's arse!"

The genie said, "Poof! There you go. A highway as smooth as a baby's arse!"

The Quebecer pipes up and says, "Well I am going next!

Genie, I want a 20-foot wall around the border of Quebec to keep all the damn Englishmen out!"

Genie, "Poof! There's your 20-foot wall. Now Newfie, it is your turn.

What do you want?"

The Newfie looks at the genie and asks, "Genie, is that wall you just put around Quebec waterproof?"

Genie, "Yep!"

Newfie, "Filler up!"

Technology Jokes

An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped.

The others looked at him questioningly.

"That was my pager he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang.

The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet.

He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Canadian finally said "Well, will you look at that! I'm getting a fax."

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

-- Short Funny Canadian Jokes --

It was mealtime during a flight on Air Canada.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

-- Short Funny Canadian Jokes --

How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool on the hottest day of the summer?

Just yell "Ok now, everyone out of the pool!"

-- Short Funny Canadian Jokes --

Why is Kitsalano BC like Granola?
Once you get rid of the fruits and the nuts all you got left are the flakes.

More Funny Canadian Jokes: Hockey Jokes

You may also like to read.. American Jokes

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