FUNNY CANNIBAL STORIES
fUNNY cANNIBAL sTORIES
A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, “Hey, you can kill me and you can eat me, but I am tired of getting stuck for drinks!”
Funny Cannibal Stories -- Flier in the Soup
A pilot was flying over the jungle when he started having engine trouble.
Eventually the engine stopped and he realised that he would have to bail out before it lost too much height and crashed.
So he put on his parachute and jumped out of the door.
He pulled the rip cord, his parachute opened and he floated gently down towards a clearing in the jungle.
Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of a large cooking pot in which the chief of the cannibals was cooking lunch.
The chief cried out in astonishment, "whats this flier doing in my soup?"
Funny Cannibal Stories -- Ten Fruits in the Bum
Three men were lost in the forest and captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.
The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second guy arrives with ten berries.
When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
Funny Cannibal Stories -- Tender Missionaries
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary.
I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade.
I just can't seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"
The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river.
They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are FRIARS!"
Funny Cannibal Stories -- Things go better with Coke
An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down.
A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane.
They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief said, "You betcha!"
When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi."
The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."
After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you...you know...eat,
their...'things'?"
The chief says, "No."
"No?" asked the rescuer.
"No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."
Funny Cannibal Stories -- Cannibal Butcher Shop
A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains.
The sign in the shop read:
Artist Brains $ 9.00
Philosopher Brains $12.00
Scientist Brains $15.00
Spreadsheet Developer Brains $29.00
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those spreadsheet developer brains must be quite tasty!"
The
butcher replied, "Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how many
spreadsheet developers you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
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