FUNNY CAT JOKES 

Cat's Thoughts...

I could have sworn I heard a can opener.

This looks like a good spot for a nap.

Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?

If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we ever get those STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

Hey - no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.

Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?

Would humans have built a vast and complex civilisation of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss !!

Funny Cat Jokes -- Funny Cat Jokes

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven.

There he meets the Lord himself. The Lord says to the cat,

"You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says,

"Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven.

Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running; we're tired of running.

Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you arrived?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever expected.

And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are the best!!!"

Funny Cat Jokes -- Funny Cat Jokes --

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.

He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions.

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