"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking
about your case: $25'."
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
-- Funny Lawyer Joke --
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when a car came along and ripped his car door off.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer,
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?"
-- Funny Lawyer Joke -- Lawyer Doctor Joke --
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Lawyer Joke --
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his.
The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said,
"Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"
The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.
-- Funny Lawyer Joke -- Lawyer Genie Joke --
A man walking along the beach found a bottle.
When he rubbed it, a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie.
"But there is one condition. I am a lawyer's genie.
That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well -- only double."
The man thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited.
"But every lawyer in the world has just recieved $20,000,000," the genie said.
"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the man said. "That's my second wish."
Instantly a Ferrari appeared.
"But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris," the genie said."
And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney...
Lawyer Joke -- Funny
Lawyer Joke --
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of Hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts
designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up and asks with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there?"
"Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
"God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers,
"Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"