Funny Monkey Jokes

Lab Monkey Joke

A monkey one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.

As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life..

"Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight.

Lots of other monkeys, all free and nibbling on bananas.

"Hey," he called. "I'm a monkey from the laboratory and I've just escaped.

Are you wild monkeys?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried.

Our friend trotted over to them and started eating the bananas. It tasted so good.

"What else do you wild monkeys do?" he asked.

"Well," one of them said.

"You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it.

We dig them up and eat them."

This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots.

They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"

"You see that tree there? It's got papayas growing in it. We eat that as well."

The papayas tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

"It's fantastic out here in the world" he told them.

"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.

"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."

The wild monkeys all stared at him, a bit surprised.

"Why? We thought you liked it here." "I do," our friend replied.

"But I must get back to the lab. I'm dying for a cigarette."

Funny Monkey Jokes -- Hilarious Funny Monkey Jokes -- Gorilla Golf Joke

There were two men who played golf together frequently.

One was several strokes better than the other.

The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game.

One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend,

"I've been trying to beat you for so long that I'm about ready to give up.

But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today.

In fact if you're game, I'd like to try to get back all the money I've lost to you this year.

I figure comes to about a thousand bucks.

Are you willing?"

The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla.

"After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?" he thought.

Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards.

The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green.

The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole.

The guy turns to his friend and says

"That's incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

But, you know what, I've seen enough.

I've got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine.

You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from.

I need a drink; better make it a double, and I'll write you a check."

After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, "By the way, how's that gorilla's putting?"

The other guy replies, "Same as his driving."

"That good, huh?"

"No, I mean, he hits putts the same way - 450 yards, right down the middle!"

-- Funny Monkey Jokes -- Jungle Animal Jokes

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