GEORGE BUSH JOKES
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
-- George Bush Jokes --
George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died.
Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.
The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate.
"Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural.
Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.
"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George Bush.
Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."
-- George Bush Jokes -- George Bush Jokes --
George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains
"I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me."
Cheney, feeling sorry for his "boss," says "Oh, they're only jokes.
There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," says Cheney.
The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.
Cheney looks at Bush and says, "See! This guy is really stupid."
George Bush agrees. "He really is a dummy.
There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have
called
instead."
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