What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?
One longs to eat and the other eats too long
What did the dieting frog order at McDonald's?
French Flies and Diet Croak.
How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Why did the dumb man snort EQUAL?
He thought it was diet coke.
Good Fat Jokes -- Dieting Jokes -- Low Cholesterol Dieting Jokes
Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet cola.
One blonde opened the can, and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend's glass.
Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.
"'Only one calorie per can'," she read aloud.
"Hmm," murmured the other blonde. "I wonder which glass has the calorie?"
Good Fat Jokes -- Dieting Jokes -- Effects of Crash Dieting
Diet & Exercise FAQs
I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Have a nap.
Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Eat chicken. Beef is
also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Is beer or wine bad for me?
It goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable.
We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right?
My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
How can I calculate my body fat ratio?
If you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Gee ... I can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain - No Pain.
Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.