GRADUATION JOKES
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let's try to make this look natural "she said.
"Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."
The father answered,
"If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
-- Graduation Jokes --
Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A: A law-botomy
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
-- Graduation Jokes --
College Majors Suppose you have a professor hold up two apples and asks a class
"How many objects am I holding?"
you would probably get different responses from different majors like....
Business: Two Juicy, delious apples that are on sale at my store.
Chemistry: 6x10^30 apple molecules
History: You are holding dinosaur poop
Music: You are holding two objects that if you drop them you will get a D4
Education: Two Apples
Accounting: You are holding one apple because the other one has to go to the government as tax
Psycology: What objects?
Math: You are holding two sets of objects, that take up a finite amount of space called apples.
English: You are holding two lush pieces of fruit, that are nourishing and remind me of my dog Fido.
Fido thy sweet fruit. So nourshing in my time of need, you fill me up with......
Art: Two apples (Ha, Ha...Thank goodness for photoshop.
The perfect oportunity to take a picture of the professor and alter the picture so that I have a blackmail photo).
Computer Science: Two apples (I'll take the art major's picture and post it on my website for all to see, and add links so that people could find similar pictures
(and I make $$$)).
-- Graduation Jokes --
If college students wrote the bible...
12. 'Blood of Christ' switched from red wine to keg beer.
11. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning: cold!
10. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
9. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
7. Paul's Letter to the Romans becomes Paul's E-Mail To: abuse@romans.gov
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
4. Out go the mules; In come the mountain bikes.
3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
-- Graduation Jokes --
Return from Graduation Jokes to School Jokes and Little Johny Jokes
