Hilarious Birthday Jokes

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you?

Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

When is your birthday?

17th January.

What year?

Every year!

Here are some more great birthday jokes:


Grandma, is it exciting being 99?

It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.


Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?

The stamps kept falling off the rocks!


What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?

Mice cream and cake!


What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!


When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.


It's my wife's birthday tomorrow.

Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

"Oh, I don't know", she said.

"Just give me something with diamonds".

So I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.


Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?

He wanted to have a birthday potty!


Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Because people kept toasting him!


What does a clam do on his birthday?

He shellabrates!


"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."

Next time, take off the candles."

Here are some more great birthday jokes:


Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.


Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.

I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.

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