HILARIOUS CHRISTIAN JOKES

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years.



After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.

"Cold floors," he says.

They nod and send him away.

Seven more years pass.

They bring him back in and ask for his two words.

He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."

They nod and send him away.

Seven more years pass.

They bring him in for his two words.

"I quit," he says.

"That's not surprising," the elders say.

"You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

-- Short Hilarious Christian Jokes --

A lady approaches a priest and tells him,

"Father, I have got two talking female parrots,

but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes.

Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed,

"but I have a solution to your problem".

You can put them with my two male talking parrots.

I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."

The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage.

"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" they say.

One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away.

Our prayers have been answered!"

-- Short Hilarious Christian Jokes --

After suffering a heart attach and having quadruple bypass surgery,

a man woke up to find himself in a Catholic hospital with nuns taking care of him.

As they nursed him back to health,

one of the nuns asked him if he had health insurance.

"No," he replied, "No health insurance."

"Do you have any money in the bank?" asked the nun.

"No. No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have any relatives you could ask for help?"

The man replied, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

At this the nun became irritated.

"Nuns are not spinsters.

Nuns are married to God!"

"OK, then," said the man. "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

-- Short Hilarious Christian Jokes --

One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question.

Little Girl: "Do whales swallow people?"

Teacher: "No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton.

Little Girl: "But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale."

Teacher getting angry: "Blue whales cannot swallow people."

Little Girl: "Well, when I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale."

Teacher, still red with anger:

"What if Jonah went to hell?"

Girl: "Well, then you can ask him."

-- Short Hilarious Christian Jokes --

There was two old dollar bills.

One was a $100 dollar bill and the other was a $1 dollar bill.

The $100 dollar bill said, "I've lived a good life.

I've been to the amusement park, the theater, the zoo and baseball games."

"Wow," said the $1 dollar bill.

"You sure have had a good life."

"Where have you been?" asked the $100 dollar bill.

"Oh, I've been to a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Lutheran church and an Episcopal church."

The $100 bill said, "What's a church?"

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Once a pastor was preaching to his congregation about the birth of Christ. "How is this possible?" asked one of the elders. "What do you mean?" …

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