HILARIOUS ONE LINERS


Hilarious One Liners -- Short Irish Jokes

"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.




"Do we?" replied New York Mayor Al Smith.

Finnegan's wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him.

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan.

---

An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to greet him.

St. Peter takes one look and says "I don't think you can get in here.The IRA man says

"Who wants in? You've twenty minutes to get the *#!@ out!

Hilarious One Liners - Short Irish Jokes


"I hear Murphy died, " said Pat. "Was he ill long?"

"No," said Mick. "He died in the best of health."

---

What have Irishmen and Jesus Christ got in common?

The both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had a job.

---

"Well, Mike," said the doctor. "I can't quite diagnose your case. I think it must be the drink."

"Sure, that's all right, doctor," said Mike.

"I know how you feel. I'll come back when you're sober."

---

Two Irishmen had just won $5000,000 in a lottery.

Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters, Sean replies, we'll just keep sending them.

Hilarious One Liners - Short Irish Jokes





Paddy was walking through a graveyard when de came across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."

"Faith now," exclaimed Paddy, "I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave."

---

Paddy was rather sad after viewing the body of a dead atheist.

"There he was. All dressed up and no place to go."

Hilarious One Liners - Short Irish Jokes

Incomprehensibly, the last coach of the train on a normal route kept getting smashed up by vandals.

A porter came up with an idea.

"Why don't we leave the last coach off!"

---

A boasting American said to O'Connor, back in the States we can erect a block of skyscrapers in about 2 weeks.

O'Conner replied, we can start a row of houses in the morning and on the way home from work the bailiffs will be putting the tenants out for being behind with the rent.

Seamus was getting irate and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late."

"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"

Hilarious One Liners - Short Irish Jokes

Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?

One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.


She followed her husband to the public house.

"How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?"

"Now!" he cried, "And you always said I was out enjoying meself."

---

An English MP was addressing a crowd in Belfast.

He stated to the masses "I was born an Englishman, I've lived an Englishman, and by God I shall die an Englishman!"

Then, from the back of the crowd, a voice yelled "Shite man, have ye no ambition?"

Hilarious One Liners - Short Irish Jokes

First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."

Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"

First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head."

---

Two lawyers standing before an Irish judge got into a fierce argument.

At last one lawyer lost his temper and shouted, "Sir you are the biggest fool that I have set eyes on."

"Order, order," said the Irish judge. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."



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