Girls are like phones.
They love to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
There are three sides of an arguement - your side, my side and the right side.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A good vacuum hoover is the one that really sucks.
Short Quotes --
Whatever it is - I didn't do it!
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.
Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar.