HOCKEY JOKES


Funny Hockey Jokes

Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in heaven.




God is sitting in his chair waiting for them...

God says to the three legends, gentleman before I let you in, you must tell me what you believe.

"Mario we'll start with you, in what do you believe?"

"I believe hockey is the greatest thing in the world and the best sport in history"

To that god says "take the seat to my left" God then turns to Steve and says, "Steven, in what do you believe?"

To which Steve replies "I believe to be the best, you've got to give every ounce you've got!"

To that god says "take the seat to my Right" God then turns to number 99 and says "Wayne, tell me what do you believe?"

To which Wayne replies I believe you are sitting in my seat.


-- Funny Hockey Jokes --

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about hockey.

Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ice between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.

"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "We've got all the referees."   

-- Funny Hockey Jokes --

Little Lennie arrived home after his hockey game, threw open the door and ran to his Dad.

"How was the game, son?

How did you do?" asked his father, who was unable to attend the game.

"You aren't going to believe it, Dad!" Lennie exclaimed.

"I was responsible for the winning goal!"

"That's wonderful," his dad said.  "How did you do that?"

"I missed my check on the other team's high scorer!"





-- Funny Hockey Jokes --

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his seven year old hockey players aside and asked,

Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

So," the coach continued, "I am sure you know, when a penalty is called, you should not argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head.

Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, its not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it?

Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach.

"Now go over there and explain all that to your mother..."

-- Funny Hockey Jokes --

Four women were having coffee and bragging about their children.

The first woman says, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."

The next woman tries to top her, "Really?  My son married the princess of a small European country and when he walks into the room, people call him your highness!"

The third woman chirps, "Well, my son is a cardinal of the church. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him your eminence!"

The fourth woman is just sitting there sipping her coffee silently and the other three look at her in a subtle way, as if to say 'well...?'

She smiles and says, "Oh.  My son is a very large and handsome hockey player. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "OH MY GOD...!"






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