Funny Jesus Jokes

The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him.

St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."

God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)

Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

Ten minutes pass and Jesus re-enters the room laughing out loud.

He says, "Remember that fishing club that I started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

-- Funny Jesus Jokes --

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said,

"Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high.

The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted.

Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it."

And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink.

He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around.

Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more.

Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord.

Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

-- Funny Jesus Jokes --

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.

The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

"From my Daddy," said Johnny.

"Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him,

'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"

-- Short Jesus Jokes --

What did Jesus say when he was up on the cross?

"This was one Hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation."

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What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

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