JOKES ABOUT IRISH

Joke Irish Tour Guide



A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100.

He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100.

The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him in the river.

Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100.

The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him in the river.

Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?"

The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."

Funny Jokes about Irish -- Irish Man Joke

Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan.

He had to take the ferryboat home every night.

One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat,

So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby pub. Before long he was feeling no pain.

When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.

Higgins, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.

"How did you like that jump, buddy?"

said a proud Higgins to a deck hand.

"It was great," said the sailor.

"But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"

Funny Jokes about Irish -- English Irish Scottish Man Jokes

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate.

Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea.

Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site.

When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer."

He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in.

Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

Funny Jokes about Irish -- Irish Musician Jokes

In Belfast, during the height of the recent Troubles, a furtive-looking man goes into a bar, carrying a large bag.

The barman is immediately suspicious and asks him what he’s got in the bag.

“Oh, nothing” replies the man.

“I’m sorry” says the barman,

“you’ll have to show me what you’ve got in the bag”.

“Fair enough”, says the man, and opens the bag, revealing a large quantity of gelignite explosive.

“Ah sure you’re ok then”, says the barman,

“I thought for a moment you’d got a bodhran in there”.

Funny Jokes about Irish -- Irish Pub Joke

An Irishman is sitting in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in.

The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman...

The first man says, "Watch this.. "

He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says,

"Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."

The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?"

The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says,

"Here, lemme try that."

So he goes over to the Irishman and says,

"Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"

The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?"

So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.

When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!"

So he walks over to the Irishman and says,

"Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"

And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were saying."