Vera, tengo una noticia buena y otra mala.
"Vera, I have good news and bad news."
Bueno... dÃgame primero la buena.
"Well then, ... tell me the good news first."
Los resultados del análisis indican que le quedan 24 horas de vida.
"The results of the analysis indicate that you have 24 hours left to
live."
Pero, bueno, ¿eso es la buena noticia? ¿Entonces cuál es la
mala?
"Well, that's the good news? Then what's the bad news?"
Que llevo intentando localizarle desde ayer.
"That I have been trying to reach you since yesterday."
Un paciente entra en la consulta del médico.
A patient enters the doctor's office.
Doctor: ¿Qué es lo que le ha traÃdo por aquÃ?
Doctor: "What is it that's brought you here?"
Paciente: Una ambulancia, ¿por qué?
Patient: "An ambulance. Why?"
Short Jokes in Spanish
Doctor,
doctor, el pelo se
me está cayendo. ¿Me puede dar algo para conservarlo?
"Doctor, doctor, my hair is falling out on me. Can you give me
something to keep it?"
SÃ, claro. Aquà tiene una caja de zapatos.
"Yes, of course. Here's a shoe box."
Short Jokes in Spanish
Doctor, doctor, tengo tendencias suicidas, ¿qué hago?
"Doctor, doctor, I have suicidal tendencies. What should I do?"
Págueme ya mismo.
"Pay me this instantly."
Doctor, doctor, no puedo recordar nada.
"Doctor, doctor, I can't remember anything."
Vaya, y desde cuando tiene usted este problema?
"Wow, and how long have you had this problem?"
¿Qué problema?
"What problem?"
Short Jokes in Spanish
Doctor,
doctor, me he roto el
brazo en varios sitios.
Doctor, doctor, I have broken my arm in several places."
Pues yo de usted no volverÃa a esos sitios.
"Well, if I were you, I wouldn't go back to those places."
Doctor, doctor, veo elefantes azules por todas partes.
"Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."
Ha visto ya a un psicólogo ?
"Have you seen a psychologist yet?"
No, sólo elefantes azules.
"No, just blue elephants."
Short Jokes in Spanish
Jo, tÃo, me acabo de comprar un aparato para la sordera que es una
maravilla. Me lo puedo meter en la oreja y nadie se da cuenta.
"Hey, man, I have just bought myself an aid for deafness that is a
wonder. I can put it in my ear and nobody realizes it."
Jo, ¡qué cosas...! ¿y cuánto te ha costado?
"Huh, what things [will they think of next]! And how much did it cost
you?"
Las dos y cuarto.
"A quarter past two."
Hay tres clases de personas:
There are three kinds of people:
las que saben contar y las que no.
those who know how to count, and those who don't.
¿Has oÃdo el caso de ese fugitivo que secuestró un autobús
de turistas
japoneses?
Have you heard about the case of that fugitive who held hostage a
busload of Japanese tourists?
La policÃa tiene 5.000 fotos suyas.
The police have 5,000 pictures of him.
-- Short Jokes in Spanish --
Doctor,
doctor, ¿qué tal ha ido
el parto?
"Doctor, doctor, how did the birth go?"
Bueno, todo muy bien, pero a su hijo le hemos tenido que poner
oxÃgeno.
"Well, everything very well, but we have had to put on your son on
oxygen."
¿Â¿OxÃgeno?? Con la ilusión que a mà me hacÃa ponerle
Federico...
"Oxygen?? And after my heart was so set on calling him Federico . . . "
Una tÃa entra en una lencerÃa.
A lady enters a lingerie store.
Buenas, ¿me podrÃa probar ese sujetador, el rojo, en el
escaparate?
"Hello, could I try on that bra, the red one, in the window?"
Claro que puede, ¿pero no serÃa mejor que se lo probase en el
probador?
"Of course you can, but wouldn't it be better if you tried it on in the
dressing room?"
Un policÃa detiene a un transeúnte y le dice:
A policeman detains a transient and says to him:
A ver, usted, deme el nombre.
"Let's see, you, give me your name."
¡SÃ, hombre! ¡Y entonces cómo me llamo?
"Yeah, right! And then what would I call myself?!"