KIWI JOKES


Funny Kiwi Jokes

A kiwi was attenting a test cricket match In australia (Aus vs. Kiwi), and was feeling a little crook so he went to see and Aussie Doctor.




The Doctor said that he had some bad news and that he would have to remove his testicles...

The kiwi said ay, no mate na get stuffed. So he went for a second opinion from another Australian doctor.

He said the same thing and the same reaction came from the Kiwi.

So the Kiwi decided to go get a third opion from a kiwi doctor.

The doc said, Na no good mate, we gonna have ta chop ya balls off.

The kiwi then said, thank God for that, them Aussie doctors wanted to remove my test tickets!

Funny Kiwi Jokes -- Australian Jokes about Kiwis


An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says,

'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?

The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something.

I'm 1.90m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks."

"The guy next to me is 1.85m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock."

"Next to him is a bloke who's 2m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower.

Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"

The Aussie bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

Funny Kiwi Jokes -- Australian Jokes about Kiwis





An Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a beer.

All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer,

takes off his diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun and shoots the watch to pieces.

He says "In Seth Efrika we have so many diamonds that we don't need to wear the same diamond twice".

The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer,

throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says "Will bro, en Niw Zilland we have so much sand to make the glass that we don't need to drink out of the same cup twice".

The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi.


Funny Kiwi Jokes -- New Zealand Jokes

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are travelling by train to a rugby game.

At the station, the three Kiwis each buy a ticket and watch with bewilderment as the three Aussies buy only a single ticket between them.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a Kiwi.

“Watch and you’ll see”, answers the Aussie.

They all board the train.

The Kiwis take their respective seats but all three Aussies cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the bathroom door and says,

 “Ticket please”.

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Kiwis see this and agree it was quite a clever plan.

So after the game, the Kiwis decide to copy the Aussies on the return trip and save some money, (being clever with money and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip.

To their astonishment, the Aussies don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel ‘without’ a ticket?” asks one perplexed Kiwi.

“Watch and you’ll see”, answers a Aussie.

When they board the train, the three Kiwis cram into a bathroom and the Aussies cram into another one.

The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies knock on the Kiwis' bathroom door and says,

"Ticket please!"



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