You think Central Park is "nature."
Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. You complain about having to mow it.
You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that it means Manhattan.
You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple."
Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to
Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
New York Yankee Jokes -- New York Yankee Jokes
A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates.
Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver,
"Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line.
Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff.
But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"
"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept -- while he drove, people prayed."
Yankee Jokes -- New
York Yankee Jokes -- Businessmen Jokes
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer.
He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.
The businessman then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled.
While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"