OLD PEOPLE BIRTHDAY JOKES
It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health.
At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit...
He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of
doors.
I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last
75th years."
"How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked.
"It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both
made solemn pledge on our wedding night.
We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong
would go outside and take a long walk."
Old People Birthday Jokes
You Know
Your 90th birthday
is not too far when
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You and your teeth don't sleep together anymore.
At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
Happy hour is a nap.
You stop buying green bananas.
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last
promotion.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a
bikini.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
Old People Birthday Jokes
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your
bifocals.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything
the night before.
It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling
ailments."
You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the
street is still there.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
Old People
Birthday Jokes -- Old
People Birthday Jokes
You have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will
get you home earlier.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back
in style.
Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
You’ll never have to endure those harrowing visits to the dentist again.
Your hernia operation will make you a star at the local
pub.
You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted
ambitions – you no longer have any.
You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have
sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.
You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz.
You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or
good-looking grandfather competitions.
You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be
frumpy, boring and cantankerous.
Your failing memory grants you to convince yourself that you’re a super
sex machine.
You’ll be able to speak incessantly about the good old days.
Your failing eyesight saves you the discomfort of seeing your
disintegrating body.
You’ll save a fortune on shampoo.
